Today was a good day:) I didn’t work. Watched movies and drank some hot chocolate. Decided to attempt and decorate our house for Christmas. And the love of my life continues to love me.
I have to remind myself of what is more important and what is stupid and a waste of time. Days are still going by fast/: haven’t seen him in over a week and at this rate, I probably won’t even see him much before he leaves.
But I’m excited to say that I am surprising him with tickets to WWE because he is just dying to go!! I can’t wait either surprisingly. :)
Gonna keep telling myself that he loves me, he won’t hurt me, and only wants me. No more paranoia.
Close people know a lot of my relationship. The rollercoaster ride I’ve been on. But what they don’t know is our drive to keep going..
There’s two people in one relationship and what people have seen is what I let them see.. I let them see that it wasn’t me doing any wrong. That I was just a girl in love and gettin hurt. But to be honest, I am the most insecure.. I have recently caused some problems in the guy I see as my happiness.. I let my stupid mind ruin special moments. I let my jealousy hurt the guy I love the most. My heart knows the truth. My heart trusts him.. But my fucking mind takes a big toll on me. I don’t know what’s wrong. But I know I will push him away for good one day..
I can’t let that happen. But idk what more I can do.. Once my mind gets thinking, it won’t stop. This man in my life has done a complete 360 and I’ve never been happier.. But now I feel like Im letting him down. Although I’m not like this all the time.. It’s happened enough times to where it hurts. My crying at night is me realizing that I’ve hurt him.. And that I know I won’t have that time with him back.
I NEED TO CHANGE THIS. I CANT KEEP DOING THIS TO MYSELF AND MY RELATIONSHIP. But I don’t know how. I can’t loose him. He’s my all. And yet he loves me.. And yet I’m the only person he wants.
I love him too much to act like such a stupid child. But I’m not a bad person.. I’m not. I’ve been his shoulder to cry on, his transportation when he wants to escape and his voice of reason. But I’m also human.. I have flaws.
Of course val pal. ;)
She loves me, yeah yeah yeah!